A Beauxbaton's Girl
by California Belle
Summary: Marlene McKinnon-golden child of Beauxbatons Academy of Magic. But she wakes up to find that nothing in her life is as she remembers it. Her memory is sporadic, at best, and giant chunks of her past are missing. Will she be able to rediscover the friendship, life, and even love that she'd apparently experienced at Hogwarts before her accident? Slight AU
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1**

"_She's going to be alright, isn't she?"_

"_Shouldn't she have woken by now?"_

"_Can she hear us?"_

"_I don't care what he said, she'll wake up."_

"_Is she…is she hurting?"_

"_Any changes?" _

"_Marls…come back to me."_

The voices swum around in her head, belonging to four or five different owners. Or was it three hundred? Perhaps it was only one? There were hands around her, dragging sandpaper over her, pouring liquids down her throat, whispering soothing words. Lights and shapes moved behind her closed eyes; her skin swung between burning and reducing her to shivers with intense cold. Every bone in her body melded together, then snapped apart and her mind couldn't make sense of the aching that overtook every part of her and she tried to scream.

Marlene gasped and her eyes shot open. She clenched them shut, almost immediately again. Why was it so bright out. She frowned before tentatively opening her eyes again. She peered around the room, suspiciously. It was obviously a nurse's ward of some sort. Clean, sterile. She was the only one being treated; she tilted her head to the window. She'd been right earlier, it was bright outside, probably very early in the morning. Which explained why the man folded into the chair at her bedside was asleep.

She gave herself a moment to study him. She'd never seen him before. His beautiful, dark, thick hair was tousled, much like he'd been running a hand through it. Messy. Tan skin, a strong jaw, broad shoulders but a lithe build…no she was certain she'd remember meeting this man.

There was a glass of water on the table by her bed; Marlene reached for it. She pursed her lips, trying to ignore the shaking of her hand. What were they doing, trembling? Seems all she'd been doing for a while was lying in this bed…how long had she been here for? What was she even doing here?

She dropped the glass.

It shattered with what sounded like a deafening crash. She recoiled onto the bed, flushing with embarrassment. What, she couldn't manage the short distance from the bedside table to her lap? What had gotten her so weak?

"Marls?" The voice, rusty from disuse, came from the man beside her bed. She turned her head to him, and for a moment their eyes met. It was cliché, but his steel grey eyes seemed to stare straight through her, like he was exploring every part of her soul. Those eyes clouded for a moment as his brows furrowed. "Marlene? What's wrong?"

She blinked, breaking the connection. He knew her name. She tilted her head. "Où suis-je?" she asked quietly.

His face relaxed and he laughed slightly, sounding like a huff. In a move as natural as that laugh, his hand came up to rest on her knee. "You would go back to French, wouldn't you? Merlin, Marls, you had us scared half to death."

Panic. She tried to suppress it, but it was coiling in the pit of her stomach. Though her hands were still weak, she reached one to her leg to push his hand off of her. Why was he acting like he knew her? Like she knew him? She cleared her throat, and tried to push herself up further on the bed. "Où suis-je?" she repeated, "Qui es-tu? Me laisser aller!"

The man seemed confused—even hurt?—when she'd pushed his hand away, but now his face looked concerned. "Come on, you know I never really got the hang of French."

She swallowed. Where were they? Why wasn't he speaking her language? No one spoke English at Beauxbatons, nor the surrounding regions…she'd known they weren't at the Palace de Beauxbatons—the lighting was off, as were the furnishings—but she'd assumed they were somewhere in the Pyrenees. But this man apparently appointed to be her guardian seemed determined to uphold the ruse that he didn't speak French.

"Who are you," she repeated her questions again, her voice still heavily accented, "And where am I?"

He stared at her for a long minute before answering. "It's me. And you're in the hospital wing."

She paused also, trying to read his face before she responded. "I don't know if you're trying to be clever, but that's astonishingly unhelpful. Obviously you're you, and this couldn't be anything but a hospital wing. But this isn't Beauxbatons' wing, and I still don't know who you are…How do you know my name?"

Her voice sounded slightly panicky even to her own ears, and she regretted that. She also regretted the sharp way she'd spoken. But why wasn't he answering?

Marlene was shocked by the raw emotion on the man's face. She didn't have to know him to sense that he wasn't a person that let his emotions show very often—she wondered why he thought she merited that honor. His eyes were searching her face, like he was looking for something, she wasn't sure what. Disbelief, shock, hurt, confusion, and resolution all danced across his features.

"Um, if you'll excuse me," he said quietly, "I think I'd better get Madam Pomfrey." And he rose sharply and strode out of the room.

==0==

"I-I'm still not sure I understand," Marlene's mouth felt as dry as a desert. "I transferred to Hogwarts two years ago. I'm about to finish my 7th year. You," she looked around at the seven faces gathered around her bed, "Are all my closest friends. I ended up here because of an attack on that funny town near here—Hogsmeade."

The pale redhead—Lily?—sitting at the foot of the bed, nodded, and looked at the nurse worriedly. "Yes. Yes that's right."

Marlene closed her eyes and tried to tell her body to relax against the cool sheets. She spoke in a measured tone, her frustration vetted in every word. "Then why, in Merlin's name, can't I remember any of that?"

"You're probably still just waking; I'm sure it'll come back to you." The boy with the dark wild hair standing at Lily's shoulder spoke. His words tripped over each other in their haste to be an encouraging sentiment. But she appreciated the attempt.

"Is that common?" a soft voice from the tall boy at her right. He looked rather bookish, and his question was addressed to the nurse, who cleared her throat.

"It's not un-common, Remus," she answered diplomatically. "And James is right, you have just woken up, Miss McKinnon."

She nodded. "I know. But that's not something I usually do—wake up, having forgotten the past two and a half years of my life…why did I transfer?"

Suddenly, no one's eyes seemed willing to meet hers.

"Madam Pomfrey's right; you should probably sleep. We'll get out of here. Let you get some rest."

That was from the smaller bruntte, Emmeline? Or was that Emmeline, and this was Mary? Either way, her words seemed to relieve the group, and they all made a move to leave.

"Wait a minute," Marlene protested. "So it's not enough that I can't remember anything, now you won't help me fill in the blanks?"

"You had best rest, Miss McKinnon," the nurse smiled a smile that would've been a lot more reassuring, had the others not been trying to flee.

Marlene closed her eyes and her head fell back against the pillows. This was too much. Altogether too much. "Alright, alright. Rest. Is there anything else I need to know? Am I failing any classes? Have I any mortal enemies? How about a boyfriend?"

She heard them all halt, and felt them looking at each other nervously. Finally, Lily spoke.

"No," she spoke softly, timidly, "No, you're a star student, and you barely study. No more mortal enemies than any other student here. As for a man—"

"You don't have a boyfriend."

It was the dark man who'd been there when she'd woken that interrupted Lily. Sirius. Marlene peeked open an eye; his back was too her, but his stance was tense. Everyone else in the room was staring at him.

The room was quiet again, and Marlene cleared her throat. Something was off. Had she just broken up with someone? Was she so laughably single? Or was she never single, always flitting between relationships?

"Oh. Okay then. Um, thanks for…catching me up on my life, I guess," she finished lamely. What else did she say? Sorry I don't know you? Sorry I don't know anything?

Everyone smiled uncomfortable, sad, sympathetic smiles as they filed out. Marlene tilted her head, watching them all go. Sirius was the last to leave, and she called his name. He turned slowly, and she tried to pretend that his face didn't show how exhausted he looked.

"Um…were you waiting for me to wake up?"

"We all took turns."

It wasn't the answer she was expecting, and she didn't want to deal with the feelings that his curt response had instigated in her chest. "Oh. Well thank you, I guess. For being there."

He nodded. "Sure."

He moved to leave, and Marlene realized the last thing she wanted was to be alone, just then. "That was a very definite no," she called, it was all she could think to say.

Sirius looked over his shoulder. "Pardon?"

"Lily was about to tell me I was single. You saw fit to emphasize that fact."

He turned back to the door. "You'd better rest, McKinnon. Glad you're awake."

And he was gone.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

"Alright, what was that all about?"

Sirius had tried to take his time in making it from the hospital wing back to Gryffindor tower, where he was sure the rest of the marauders and Lily would be waiting for him. Sure enough, he had barely stepped into the common room when James hurled the question at him.

"Listen, mate, I'm not really in the mood for this—" he started.

"No, James is right," Lily interrupted him with insistent urgency, "Why in Merlin's name didn't you tell Marlene about the two of you?"

Sirius exhaled slowly; he'd meant it when he'd said he wasn't up for this. He entertained the thought of just making his way to his room, drawing the curtains around his bed and shutting it all out, dealing with the repercussions of blowing his friends off later. But he really didn't need to complicate anything else in his life. "What did you want me say?" he asked tiredly.

"The truth?" Peter interjected, "It's not an entirely novel idea."

"That was unnecessary," Remus called from his position on the couch. Despite his being the smartest wizard in their year, Remus still held to his dreadful habit of speaking from behind books. The others had found out that he was both reading and actively listening/participating in whatever conversation was going on—he found it easier to address the pages of his book than the eyes of the group. That didn't mean he was any less involved, just that he was hiding.

"Listen to Moony," Sirus muttered at Peter, then turned back to everyone else. "No, I mean it, Lily, what did you expect me to say?"

She crossed her arms in front of her. "Maybe 'yes, you do have a fella and I'm him'."

He arched an eyebrow and she huffed, pausing for a moment to think before speaking again. "Okay, that is a lot to throw on a girl. But don't you think she deserves to know?"

Sirius shrugged. "Maybe."

"Maybe?"

Lily's voice had dropped an octave as she echoed him and Sirius all but winced. "That's not what I meant—"

"Oh it isn't?" her eyes flashed, and she shrugged James' hand off her shoulder when he reached out to try to calm her. "Pray tell, Mr. Black, what did you mean? Because if the best you have is 'maybe' then you might have been right in telling her she didn't have you. She's confused and alone and if you can't even tell her that—"

"Lily," James said quietly, knowing from the way her breath was coming fast and her fingers were curling into fists, that she wasn't mad at Sirius, just frustrated with all that was going on.

"Don't 'Lily' me!" she burst, "Marlene doesn't remember anything and withholding such a huge part of her life won't help and neither will pretending that it didn't happen and I don't know why you won't tell her—"

"What would you have had me do?!" Sirius felt his voice rip out of his chest, "She was speaking French, Lily, _French_. She thought she was still at the Pyrenees, she didn't know me, she pushed me away. She looked me in the eye and looked away. And you think that's the time to tell her? It's not just as though she can't remember the last two years, it's that to her, they never happened. I couldn't…I didn't want..."

Silence.

"He's right," after a long moment, Remus spoke up again, "It's enough that she has a whole life to adjust to. Us, even. But Sirius, as anything more than a friend, would've been too much."

Lily didn't speak, but her face was set, thinking. She sighed. "I'm sorry, Sirius. I didn't mean to go off on you like that. I just hate that it wasn't enough for her to lose her memories, but you too."

He nodded, not having the words. If anyone felt their impact, it was him.

Everyone was thinking now, their minds all whirring. What was there to say? How did you move on from something like this? Was there even a next step, or was it all pure guesswork.

"Why don't you get some rest too, Padfoot," James said quietly.

"I'm fine."

"You're not." Remus turned another page.

Sirius scowled at him, but then realized this was his way out of this conversation. He nodded slightly, heading past them all, up to his room.

He hadn't lied to Marlene; they had all taken turns watching over her. But he'd held his vigil by her bed in every spare moment he had. Lily had to drag him away to get him to eat and James only succeeded in getting him to sleep by running him into the ground at Quidditch practice. It had been draining in every way possible, just sitting by her bed, not able to do anything…

Then, when she woke up. For that one moment, when their eyes first met, everything was fine. That connection between the two of them had always been there, much as they'd both chosen to ignore it. It wasn't something as course and common as tension, or as cliché as love at first sight, but it was a connection, as if something inside the two of them had recognized the other.

Then the façade had been completely wiped away when she spoke in French. At first he'd been worried for an entirely different reason—the Marlene he knew only reverted to her native language in cases of extreme emotion. When her cauldron boiled over and engulfed the parchment on which she'd been taking all her potions notes, when a spell backfired and left the tip of her nose burned and hair smelling like she'd walked through a furnace, when she'd been so terribly nervous the first time she'd let him accompany her to Hogsmeade, when she'd thought he'd fallen asleep while they were stargazing, and whispered that she loved him…

But then the confusion and, he couldn't deny it, panic written so plainly on her face…he'd known something was wrong. But this? To have forgotten Hogwarts, two years, all her friends, him; he never could've never imagined it. He couldn't remember what she was like without any of them; did he even know her?

Sirius shook his head, wishing he could clear his heart with the same easy motion. He appreciated that the Marauders cared, and Lily too, but he'd left out his main reason for not telling Marlene. What the two of them had shared—or used to— had been so special. She was easily the best thing that happened to him. And now she didn't know him. If he entertained any hope of regaining what they'd had once, if there was any way, if it was even a possibility, then Sirius wanted it to happen the way it did the first time: unexpectedly, suddenly, and beautifully. It couldn't happen because she knew it was supposed to. It had to be because it was meant to.


	3. Chapter 3

"You can't seriously expect me to go about my classes without the last two years at my disposal!"

It was three days later, and though Marlene had been dying to get out of the ward, this was not what she was envisioned. Her memory hadn't cleared and her 'friends' might as well have been strangers to her. And what was worse, she still had no idea about her past. Everyone was being deliberately obtuse about all of it; what had brought her to Hogwarts in the first place was as much a mystery as what had landed her in its hospital ward.

Marlene realized she was still gawking at the regal wizard before her, and she coughed slightly, recovering. "I don't mean to be impossible, Monsieur Dumbledore, really I don't, but I can't see the practicality of sending me out to humiliate myself on my first day out of this ward."

Dumbledore smiled slightly. "It took you more than a year of running around with Lily and that lot before you dropped that formal air in your speech."

Marlene tilted her head. "What do you mean?"

"You talk the way you write: very formal, very proper. Also, I remember telling you two years ago: it's just Dumbledore. No "Monsieur" required."

"Oh." She pursed her lips, not sure just yet that she could call him that with no prefix. "Well, still, am I really to go to the 7th year classes—even though I don't know any of what they taught the past two years? I don't even remember the people that are apparently my closest friends, how am I supposed to learn new information? Information, for which I haven't a foundation? Dumbledore—"

She stopped when she realized his name had slipped out, and he chuckled at the look of horror and shock on her face when two years of habit won out over the propriety in her mind. "Miss McKinnon, during Madam Pomfrey's care of you, she developed an interesting theory. Despite this amnesia you seem to have developed, there's a large portion of your mind and mannerisms that reflect the past two years. A few questions if you don't mind?"

Marlene frowned. "I'm not sure I understand—"

"What's the name of the potion for liquid luck?"

"Felix Felicis. But what—"

"What's the incantation to change the color or style of your hair?"

"Crinus Muto. How does—"

"What is inside a Snargaluff pod?"

"Green tuber-like things."

"Hmm. What did James and Sirius use the Aguamenti Charm for?"

She blinked. "Um…"

"Who went with you to the Yule ball last year?"

"The what?"

"How many times have you been to Hogsmeade?"

"I-I don't know." She frowned. "What is the point of all this. Some things I know, others I don't. So?"

Dumbledore gave the same slight smile. "Those questions you knew? From 6th year Potions, Transfigurations, Herbology. Practical knowledge. The others? Memories."

Marlene's brow furrowed. "What are you saying?"

"Your memory is most peculiar. Anything factual, you've retained. Anything associated with a strong emotion—pleasant or not, you've suppressed."

"Wait. Are you…do you think I'm faking this?!" she asked, incredulous.

Dumbledore stood slowly. "Are you?"

"No! Absolutely not! Why would I do this to myself, lie here with patches of my past missing…Merlin." Something clicked in the back of her mind, and her eyes flew to his. "Merlin, that's it. That's why you haven't told me anything. Someone _did_ do this me. Who?"

"We don't know."

Marlene looked up sharply. He hadn't shot down her guess. She'd known she was right, but she'd been waiting for him to tell her she was wrong. The fact that he didn't…it meant that whoever had done this to her was too large a threat to be ignored, to pretend he didn't exist. Which made this very very real.

"So," she said flatly, her mind reeling under this new revelation, "I have all my knowledge, but none of my soul."

"Ever the dramatist."

A soft voice from behind her spoke and Marlene's neck popped in protest when she spun her head to find its owner. "Remus?"

"You call me Lupin." He crossed the room and shrugged with one shoulder as he handed her a robe to put on over her other clothes."I don't know why, but you seem to think it's amusing to call me by my last name. You and Sirius always…" he trailed off and cleared his throat. "Anyways. We have Potions now."

Marlene slipped the robe over her head. It smelled familiar enough, like it could've been hers. It was nothing like the more fitted robes of Beauxbatons, but it felt just as comfortable.

But not comfortable enough to make her feel 100% at ease with the idea of going to classes her mind remembered her taking. Nor walk the halls and bear the weight of everyone's curious stares as if they were simply admiring her hair.

She didn't really have a choice in the matter though, and she did just that: walked, listened, endured, observed, etc.

The classes passed in a blur, and before Marlene knew it, she and Lupin were moving with the mob of students to lunch. At one point, a first year bumped into her, knocking her slightly off balance. Her books scattered, but she needn't have worried; Lupin had picked them up and returned them to her so quickly she barely had time to miss them. He'd been carrying the burden of conversation for the most of the day, and he'd finally slipped into an accepting silence. Marlene took the moment to examine him out of the corner of her eye.

He was quite tall, probably an inch or two over six feet. She appreciated that height, as it parted the crowd for them, but it also made her feel rather small. She wondered absently how tall the rest of the group was, relative to her. Light brown hair and green eyes...he wasn't really her type, she decided, but Rosemary, back at Beauxbatons, would be going crazy were she here. Not that Marlene was the kind of girl to have a 'type', but she'd always figured that she'd end up with someone closer to her height. Built strongly, but not to tower over her.

Of course, who knew how her taste in men ran? For all she knew, she could've spent the past two years with every sort of man, or none of them. She bumped into someone and winced inwardly, it wasn't like her to be so caught up in thought that she'd walk into the back of the person in front of her. She opened her mouth to apologize, but Lupin beat her to it.

"Merlin, Marls, I'm sorry. Are you okay?"

She frowned slightly. "Um, yes. I hardly touched you, Lupin."

"Oh. Sorry."

She shrugged and they continued on. Marlene pursed her lips. Something about the exchange…it was the way he treated her. Like she was made of china, like he had to watch out for her.

"Lupin?" she asked his back, playing a hunch. "Do we have a history?"

She nearly ran into him again; he'd stopped so suddenly. "Alright that time it was your fault." She stepped around him, taking in his stricken expression and trying not to laugh. "I'm going to take the abhorrent science as a 'no', which is good, because that was my gamble anyways. So who are you watching me for?"

Lupin stared at her and relief flooded his face as he realized she hadn't actually thought they'd once been together. A moment later his expression cleared. "I'm not watching you for anyone."

Marlene rolled her eyes. "Please, you've been treating me like glass all day. Plus, I haven't been out of your sight at all. So either I'm incredibly important to you—which I'm not—or to someone else, who didn't want to risk it themselves."

"You are incredibly important," he protested; she waved her hand.

"No I know, we're grand friends and all that, but I meant as something more. You all reacted oddly when Sirius said I'm single, so that explains it. Who is it?"

After a long moment of staring at her, Lupin reached up to rub the back of his neck. "Listen, Marlene, I don't know where you're getting all this from, but I'm just watching out for you because this is your first day back in the land of the living. That's it."

She considered him for just as long as he had her, then nodded slowly. "Alright, I'll drop it."

Lupin's face split into a relieved smile that he tried too late to cover up. "Great. Uh, I mean, perfect timing, I'm so ready for lunch."

They made their way into the Great Hall (oh, so she could remember that name, but not why she called Remus "Lupin"?) and Marlene felt something register inside of her. Someone…one of these faces…someone here was familiar. Something about it connected.

She tried to exhale slowly, control her excitement. So far, she'd only recognized textbook facts, nothing breathing—her cat had taken her completely by surprise—much less a person. Trying not to be too obvious, Marlene scanned the faces of everyone close to her.

Blonde hair.

She gasped as what felt like a white heat pulsed right above her temples. She squeezed her eyes shut to fight against the sudden pain and an image flashed behind her closed lids. Pale skin…beautiful robes…a garnet ring…pale blonde hair…grey eyes peering into hers…

"Marlene? Marlene, what's wrong?"

She jerked and realized she'd sunk to the floor. Lupin was kneeling beside her, clutching her arm, shaking her. Looking around sharply, Marlene pulled herself to her feel, scanning the room again. A memory. She'd remembered. Something about that blonde had triggered her memory. Her hungry eyes lighted on a wizard retreating to a long table different to the one Lupin was leading her towards.

"Wait," she breathed.

It was him. He had to be the key, the portal to her past and her memories. Whatever had happened, it began and ended with that blonde man, she could feel it. If there was any way she was to figure out who she was and why she was here and everything else that felt wrong and right, it was through him.

"Lupin, who is that?"

Lupin followed her pointed hand and his eyes narrowed. He stepped slightly in front of Marlene, playing the protector again. But it didn't stop her gaze from meeting the blonde wizard's. His eyes were a steel grey and it was just as it had been moments before, in her memory. She needed to know. The key to her past, to understanding, to peace. Before she could move forward, she had to fill this two year gap and it had everything to do with this man.

Lupin coughed and turned away, bringing her with him to a long table under red banners. He didn't speak for the longest time, then finally muttered, "That's Malfoy. Lucius Malfoy."


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: I am so sorry this took so long to update! Classes have been so beyond crazy and ugh there's just been a lot! But thank you SO much for your patience! Please please review **

"We have a problem."

Remus had left Marlene with Lily and the other girls as they went down to the lake for the afternoon; he, on the other hand, had high-tailed back to the Gryffindor Common Room, where he was sure the rest of the Marauders would be waiting.

They were.

Sirius was stretched out on one of the couches, glaring at the ceiling, tossing a ball of some sort straight in the air and catching it again. Peter was perched on the edge of the couch, watching the flight of the ball, and James was at a table nearby, flipping through the pages of a textbook so quickly that he obviously wasn't reading it. At Remus' announcement, he snapped the book shut, relieved for an excuse to quit pretending to study.

"When you say problem," Peter clarified, "Is it worse than Padfoot's girlfriend forgetting all of us?"

The ball hit the ceiling and a bit of plaster crumbled down on them. Sirius caught it in a movement that was like he was snatching it out of the air, and then swung his legs to the ground, sitting up. "My bad," he muttered.

"Nice, Peter," James shoved him slightly as he passed him, moving to stand next to where Sirius sat.

"What? I didn't—"

"What is it, Moony?" James asked, calmly overriding Peter.

Remus opened his mouth, then closed it. How exactly did he explain this? "She recognized Malfoy," he said quietly.

The room was silent.

Sirius stood in a swift, sudden movement, and strode over to a window. His shoulders were tight and his fists were clenched tightly at his side.

Finally Peter cleared his throat. "Recognized as in knew his name, or remembered him, or as if they're friends?"

Remus shrugged. "I don't know; none of those, really. She stared at him for a really long time, then asked who he was. Didn't eat much for the rest of the meal."

"Alright…okay…so what does that mean?" James said slowly, "Why him? Why Malfoy, of all people? She hasn't recognized anyone else?"

Remus shook his head. "No one. Although she has picked up on the fact that I'm all but playing body guard."

"But nothing else?" Sirius' back was still to them, but his rough voice carried.

"No. I told her the truth—that she means a lot to all of us, of course I'm a little protective." Remus rubbed his forehead and crossed over to one of the chairs opposite the couches. "But I don't know what it could mean. Out of a school of witches and wizards she picks the one who she happens to have a rivalry with…maybe it has to do with emotion?"

"Then she'd remember Sirius."

"Oh for the love of—" James glared at Peter, "Get a filter, Wormtail."

Remus pinched the bridge of his nose. "There's something we're missing. What is it that would make him more important than any of us? Or more…memorable for lack of a better word? What distinguishes Malfoy from the rest of us?"

A bark-like laugh came from Sirius' direction and they all turned to look at him. He turned around slowly, raking a hand through his hair, and then shrugged. "When Marlene first arrived, he was the only one in this bloody castle that spoke French."

They all fell silent; what else did they say? Sirius continued to stare out the window. The warm sunlight outside so heavily contrasted to the dark emotions running inside of him. It was a beautiful day, the weather perfect, and so similar to one fateful day, two years ago…

==0==

On the day the transfer student from Beauxbatons was set to arrive, the Marauders were outside, tossing around a Muggle object called a 'football'. Sirius had first taken to playing with Muggle objects when he'd seen the visceral reaction they'd elicited from his mother, but this game of catch was one that had persisted past aggravating Mrs. Black. If nothing else, it was a way to pass the time when Hufflepuff had the quidditch pitch, as they did now.

"How do you reckon we'll do at Friday's match?" James asked the question as he threw to Sirius, his head quirking to the side, flipping his hair.

Sirius shrugged slightly. "Depends on if Davidson decides to get better or not."

"It's not as if Caroline can choose whether or not she wants to be ill," Remus spoke up from his watch nearby, leaning up against a tree, over his book. "I don't think your keeper gets sick just for laughs."

"What was that? I couldn't hear you over that enormous monstrosity you call 'light reading'," James snickered.

Peter snorted; Remus didn't look up, but his right hand twitched slightly and Peter tripped over a knot of weeds he could've sworn wasn't there a moment ago.

The corner of Sirius' mouth quirked upwards, and he made a sign for James to toss the ball a few yards to his right, and then jogged slightly to get it. Soon, the three marauders were moving in a counter-clockwise circle, tossing the ball to where they knew the other would be. Then they moved on to a guessing game of sorts—having to guess the direction and distance at which they were expected to catch the football.

"Here, back up," Peter called to Sirius, then practically launched the ball at the sky.

"Shouldn't have done that…" Remus muttered, flipping a page.

"No he's got it," James responded.

"Mmhmm. And did he notice Dumbledore's coming?"

"Dumbledore? What? Oh...Sirius!"

He didn't hear James calling after him. He didn't hear their shouts when he leapt for the ball, or when he caught it. It was when he landed that he knew something was wrong.

He hadn't landed on top of her, or really hit her that hard, but something about the crash sent the petite blonde tumbling.

Sirius swore under his breath as he landed hard, almost immediately jumping to his feet and then crouching behind the girl he'd knocked over.

"Merlin, I'm sorry, I—"

The words died in his throat when she sat up slightly and brushed her blonde hair out of her eyes. She had fair skin and eyes that were so blue they were almost purple. Her features were delicate, but they held a strength and dignity that banished all thought of weakness. There was a gracefulness and yet a sharpness about her, the gentility of good breeding battling with the fortitude of someone who had shouldered her corner of the world for two long. Even in fifth year, Sirius wasn't the type to be rendered speechless by a pretty face, but something about the small girl in front of him was captivating.

Maybe it was the way she wasn't blushing or giggling, the way most of the girls at Hogwarts did when they felt the heat of his gaze. Maybe it was the way that her mouth quirked slightly in amusement when she realized that he'd forgotten what it meant to speak. Or the way that she seemed like she expected this sort of reaction from him—which no one ever really had. But it was probably the way that, from the moment their eyes met, their gaze locked, and he didn't think he could look away if he tried.

Mercifully, she spared him, and laughed slightly, a lilting sound that snapped him out of his trance. She sat up entirely, and flipped her long, thick hair over her shoulder. "Avez-vous attraper au moins il?" she asked, arching an eyebrow.

"Um…" Sirius panicked. So this was the transfer student. From Beauxbatons. Who apparently spoke French. "Je ne…je ne parle pas français…" he stumbled, hoping that was right. He had no idea what she'd said, and the only thing he could think to say was that he didn't speak French.

Again, that musical laugh. "Well it's a very good thing that I speak English, isn't it?" Her voice was still heavily accented, but he couldn't fault her that, not when he was sure that he'd butchered her native language. Besides, it only added to her charm.

"Sirius, you alright?"

He heard his friends' footsteps behind him, and his bearings seemed to return to him immediately. He reached out a hand to help her to her feet, trying not to smile in triumph when she took it. He helped her up, impressed again with her grace. She stood a great deal shorter than him, but he doubted that her height was at all indicative of, well, anything about her. The slight pressure of her hand in his…it was just her hand, but there was something more. But she felt it to, because she gasped softly, and her composure slipped for a moment. "What was that?"

His wits about him, he barely had time to whisper "Magic", and wink, before the rest of the Marauders joined them. She blinked, then her mouth curved up into a smile again.

"Flirt," she muttered, then leaned down to brush of her robes.

James heard it and laughed, reaching out a hand. "And he knows it. I'm James."

The girl nodded regally and shook his hand. "Nice to meet you."

"You too. This is Peter and that's Remus."

She smiled. "Delighted. I'm to assume you're your own little faction, then?"

James grinned broadly and drew himself up. "We're the Marauders."

"As in bandits?" her eyebrows rose. "That's rather audacious, isn't it?"

The four boys looked proudly amongst themselves. As Peter was about to say that that was the whole point, Dumbledore stepped forward. Up until this point, he'd been watching the whole encounter with no little amount of amusement from a few steps away. Now he placed two hands on the Beauxbaton girl's shoulders, facing the boys.

"If you gentleman are finished welcoming Miss McKinnon, we'll finish getting her settled in."

It wasn't really a question and he steered her back towards the castle. She smiled her goodbye and the Marauders all waved.

"That was brilliant," muttered Remus, once she was out of earshot.

James shoved his friend's shoulder. "We've a bit of a crush, haven't we, Moony?"

Remus blushed slightly but shook his head. "Hardly. I meant that she got all of our names, but didn't tell us hers."

"McKinnon," Sirius said quietly, and his friend's noticed that he was only half listening. His eyes were following the small blonde on her way up to Hogwarts, and he was wondering why he was hoping so desperately that she'd turn back around.


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: I could've slept, but instead I wrote this…return the favor by reviewing? ;) Please and thank you…**

Marlene sighed, drumming her fingers on her crossed legs. She was perched in a window seat in one of the towers, looking out over the grounds of the Castle. Hogwarts wasn't anything like France, but it was beautiful.

She truly didn't mind being here. Even now, after almost a full week of feigning normalcy, it all hadn't been nearly as stressful as she'd imagined. Classes had gone smoothly, to her surprise, and those that counted themselves as her friends were people whose company she appreciated. Quiet and sweet Emmeline, snide but well-intentioned Mary, quirky Peter, perfect Lily—who was truly so incredible that it couldn't be counted against her, intelligent and sensitive Remus, er, Lupin, carefree James, and then Sirius. He was the only one she couldn't quite get a read on. But they must've had a significant bond of some sort in her missing two years, because she would always catch him watching her. She liked to believe that the emotions, or lack thereof, that played across his face were of regret—regret for whatever friendship they must've had.

No, she didn't mind the people, or the classes; everything she knew about Hogwarts and her life there suited her just fine. It was what she didn't know. Why she'd come here in the first place, why she'd recognized someone that, she'd gathered from everyone's reaction to her recognition of him, she'd apparently quite despised? So many whys, and no becauses to match.

"Do you miss the Pyrenees?"

Marlene turned at the soft question and smiled when her eyes landed on Remus. "Why do you ask that?" She tucked her legs up under her so he could share the window seat.

Remus laughed slightly, and took the offered seat. "You know, you never answer questions the right way. I mean, you weren't thinking of home just then, but the past two years. But you couldn't let me play the role of savior-friend and ask you a question to distract you."

"It's not that I'm especially clever, it's that English is my second language, so I go about conversations differently."

He rolled his eyes. "You can be demure about it all you want, but you know that's not true. You were always 'especially clever', and that translates through any language."

Marlene smiled again. "So now you're the flatterer, savior-friend, and protector. Quite an impressive resume, Mr. Lupin."

He gave a grandiose bow, and then the two fell silent and again returned to the window. A few first years were chasing each other on the ground, stories below, and a Herbology class was enjoying their lesson outside for the day. Watching it all from so high up made it seem surreal.

"I do," she said quietly.

There was a long pause. "Pardon?"

"Miss home. The girls I knew so well. The grounds, the classes, the robes. The sound of our dorm vibrating with squeals and laughter, the familiarity of it all."

He nodded. "I can't even imagine how much this is, to take in at once."

"It's odd, because this is familiar too. France will always be where I'm from, but this…this fits too. How can two places be my home?"

Remus seemed to be thinking about that. "I think…I think home is a feeling. It's not a place, can't be defined by four walls or thirty. It's not a property line. It's where you love, and are loved; where you can be anyone, but choose to be yourself. Because everyone around you does the same and you all fit in together and…" he trailed off when he realized she wasn't looking out the window, but at him, a sort of platonic fondness on her face. "And you were just asking hypothetically, weren't you?"

"I was, but I far prefer your answer to my musings."

Remus shook his head but laughed. Silence fell again, then Remus shot to his feet. "Merlin's beard, I was on my way to class! I just meant to stop for a moment…Sorry, Marlene, I've got to run."

"It's alright. Thanks for stopping by."

There was a flurry of robes and he was gone. Marlene turned back to her window, where she granted herself a few more moments of introspection, then she stood slowly, and left. Her mind still busy with the impossible mystery of her past, she didn't really pay much attention to where her feet were taking her. It wasn't until she'd been standing in front of a statue of an old witch for three minutes that Marlene realized that she didn't know where she was. She looked around herself pensively, then back up at the witch. The which had one eye, and an enormous hump on her back. Something about the statue was so familiar…

"_Dissendium." _

She didn't know where the word came from, or what it meant; it had simply slipped out of her mouth. But, as it did, the hump on the witch's back opened. Marlene's jaw dropped as a slide down to what looked to be a passage was revealed. She pursed her lips in indecision. A hidden passage inside a one-eyed which…she'd made far smarter decisions. But, on the other hand, her mind had chosen to remember this secret, so that had to mean something, didn't it? Decision made, Marlene drew her wand, and clambered into the chamber.

As the stone creaked close behind her she whispered "_lumos"_, and her wand cast a circle of light around the passageway. The light from her wand reflected long shadows, and Marlene was fairly certain she heard the echo of something dripping, farther down the tunnel. It was a straight tunnel, but there were protrusions of rock that could easily hide anything—or anyone. She didn't know why her thoughts had suddenly taken a turn for the ominous, but she was less thrilled with the concept of exploring this passageway.

Just as she was turning to head back to the (well-lit) halls of Hogwarts, Marlene heard the echo of footsteps. This was just what she needed, to be caught probably trespassing, or at least violating half a dozen school rules, on her first week back. She darted behind the nearest protrusion, whispering _"Nox",_ and trying to steady her breathing as the passageway around her faded to darkness.

The footsteps got nearer, and Marlene thought, for a terrifying moment, that they slowed as they neared her hiding place. But they resumed their previous pace and she shrank back further against the wall in relief. The steps got louder and louder; she was almost certain they belonged to a man. Whoever he was, she was impressed by his almost animalistic ability to navigate the corridor without even a simple light-casting spell, preferring the dark to—

The next thing Marlene knew, she was being yanked away from the wall. Before she had time to register what was happening, her left arm was twisted behind her back at an angle that was decidedly painful, but had the potential to become very much worse. Her other arm was pinned to her side by her attacker's strong arms, and Marlene cursed her own stupidity. What had she thought would happen when she came down into the tunnel? That she'd find a bottle labeled **'Marlene's missing memories'**? Certainly not this…

"Who are you?" the man demanded, his voice rough and undistinguishable, probably intentionally so.

She told herself not to panic, but she really couldn't help it. "Je suis—"

She hadn't finished her sentence—her incomprehensible, panicked sentence—when her arm was released.

"Marlene?!" he demanded, and muttered _lumos maxima_, "What are you doing down here?!"

Her eyes adjusted and she blinked as the man in front of her came into focus. "Sirius?"

"Yeah, it's me; are you alright? I didn't mean to—"

"You very well meant to!" she burst, indignant. "You don't just accidentally almost break someone's arm!"

"Merlin, I'm sorry, I thought—"

"I don't think you did! Why would you even pull a stunt like that in the dark?"

"If it'd been light, you'd of seen my face."

"And?"

"And this isn't exactly a student-approved section of Hogwarts' grounds. I couldn't have you going to Dumbledore telling him that…but really, McKinnon, I didn't know it was you."

She didn't want to admit that it made perfect sense, but it did. He was right, neither of them should've been down there, and she most certainly shouldn't have been snooping.

He mistook her silence as injury, or something akin to it, and he bent so that he could meet her eye. "Really, I had no idea, McKinnon; are you okay? I mean I didn't hurt—"

He reached for her arm, then seemed to remember her reaction to his last touch, so retracted. He coughed. "You're okay?"

She was, and more shaken than anything else. She nodded and his relief was visible; she was touched by that.

"Good. Um, good. So, um, do you…wait, how did you get in here?"

Her mind through processing that she wasn't being kidnapped or anything, Marlene smiled, composure back in place, and brushed past him to head back to the entrance. "I used the password, of course."

She heard a short bark-like laugh from behind her, then Sirius fell in step beside her. "Believe it or not, I'd figured that much out myself."

Marlene smiled to herself. This was the first time she'd been alone with Sirius since she woke up; maybe this was her chance to fill in the missing pieces of the personality profile she'd mentally drawn up for him. "Well then you shouldn't have asked," she teased.

"No, but really," he stepped in front of her and she stopped herself just short of running into him. Her eyes were in-lined with his jawline and she was to tilt her head back to look at him. "Sorry," he muttered, taking a step backwards, but still facing her and blocking her path, just giving her more space.

"Je ne sais pas co—" she frowned, and cleared her throat deliberately. "What I meant to say, was that I don't know how I got in here. I just…found myself wandering. Then I got to the statue and I said the first thing that flew into my mind. Then the witch's back opened…why are you smiling?"

He schooled his features quickly. "Um, I wasn't."

She arched an eyebrow, and he held up his hands in mock deferral.

"You spoke in French."

"I did."

"Well, you only do that when you can't think straight." His voice held a note of triumph that he'd tried to hide but had snuck out anyways.

Her jaw dropped. "P-pardon?"

"No it's true. You go back to it when you're at a loss for words in English."

She crossed her arms; he knew her awfully well. "And if I do?"

"You've had sufficient time to recover from your scare…"

He trailed off, but she didn't like where this was going. She moved to step around him, but he shifted too. Once again, she was too close, but this time, when she looked up, he was smiling. Smiling with the confidence of the man who filled every rumor she'd heard the fifth years passing around about him.

"Excuse me," she said quietly.

He tilted his head to the side, considering. "Hmm, no. I think I'm good."

She gave an exasperated sight and moved the other way; he countered and the situation hadn't changed at all. She tried once more, then glared up at him. His eyes were brimming with laughter. Marlene couldn't help it, the corners of her mouth itched up into a smile; she ducked her head so he couldn't see.

"Flirt," she muttered, leaning down to brush away some of the dirt that the walls of the cavern had left on her robes.

She didn't see the look of longing that flashed over his face, the look of a memory of a different time and different people. Then he smiled again. They were the same people after all.

"I don't think you mind, McKinnon."

"You don't?" she tried to sound challenging, but when she straightened again, he'd lowered his head and his face was a breath away from hers. Her chest constricted and she felt a slight flush creep over her cheeks at his proximity. His grin grew at the sight of it, and he leaned even closer, shifting slightly to whisper in her ear.

"Your French says you don't."

He turned after that, giving her the space she desperately needed. Where did that reaction to him come from? Had she really _blushed_? Shaking her head, she followed him out of the passageway.

At the entrance, he extended a hand to help her out of the opening. It was either be graceful or rude, and a Beauxbatons girl was never the latter, so she took it. She gasped at the fission of energy that shot through her body. She looked up at him sharply; the knowing grin he gave her told her that Sirius had felt it too.

She stepped out down and smoothed her robes, waiting for him to descend. When he did, the hump on the witch's back closed over again, and Marlene stared at it. Hard to believe that there was a passageway beyond that; almost as hard to believe as the experience she'd had in it. She almost didn't believe it was real. But her shoulder would be sore tomorrow and her hand was still tingling…

A mob of students came around the corner; the last class must've just let out. Right before they reached her, Marlene turned back to Sirius. "Someday," she waited for him to look at her, "You're going to tell me what this last-name-calling-thing is about."

His eyes were still laughing at her. "I told you once already: magic."


	6. Chapter 6

Sirius stood in the owlery, watching the retreating figure of his owl fade into the distant sky. He'd just received word back from Marlene's older brother; the third such response to his own missives that he'd received since Marlene's injury. They were doing their best to keep Marcus McKinnon filled in on how his baby sister was doing, but with his work with the ministry, correspondence was brief, factual, and to the point.

Marcus had actually been willing to drop work and fly out to Hogwarts when he found out about Marlene's injury, but doing so would have cost him his job, even in such an extenuating circumstance. He had still planned on going, nonetheless; Marlene was the only family he had left, and she was more than worth the job to him. Dumbledore had prevented him from coming, however, assuring him that Marlene had survived the worst, and would continue to pull through until she was restored to perfect health. He hadn't wanted to, but Remus had pointed out how upset Marlene would be if, upon waking, she found out that Marcus had lost his job because of her. So he had stayed.

Sirius turned the scroll around in his hands, not wanting to open it just yet. Marcus understood why they couldn't tell Marlene everything, but still wished she knew. That was the theme of his last two letters. It was hard for Sirius to read them; they voiced the same concerns and fears that he himself felt. It made sense: the two shared the bond of loving Marlene from a part of their heart that would forever be hers. To Marcus, Marlene would always be his kid sister. To Sirius, it was simpler—she would always be his always. He opened the letter.

_Sirius—_

_I keep saying it, but I really appreciate all that you've been doing for Marls. I know she'll remember, and she'll be just as grateful as I am. How is that going? Does Dumbledore have a timeline or an equivalent thereof, or any sort of idea of when she'll start to remember? She must find it odd that she hasn't received any word from back home…_

_Is there anything that you plan on telling her? I know you said you wanted her to rediscover everything she'd learned in the past two years, but some things are going to be a nasty shock. And I'm still unclear on the process; if she remembers it all, all at once, that would be really awful. Is there perhaps a way to tell her some of it? Kind of ease her into it? I just can't imagine if she found out about Mère and Papa out of the blue…I don't want her to be blindsided by it._

_But I defer to Dumbledore's better judgment. _

_Please write back with news. Or without. Progress, if any. _

_Until next time, _

_Marcus McKinnon_

Sirius exhaled slowly and looked back out over the grounds. Marcus' questions were the same ones that he'd been mulling around in his head for the past few weeks. Ones he still didn't have answers to.

"Should I take it as a sign that whenever I don't think about it, and my feet wander, I end up stumbling upon you?"

Sirius whirled around. "McKinnon. What are you doing here?"

She arched an eyebrow, stepping gingerly around the conspicuous white patches on the hay on the floor of the owlery, making her way over to the stone ledge where Sirius stood. "Or maybe it's indicative that, wherever I find you, it's less than…aesthetically pleasing."

"I make up for it, though, don't I?" Sirius was focusing on trying to subtly re-roll the parchment and hide it behind his back, and cringed inwardly when he realized that his default mode was flirtation.

"Yes it's your commendable humbleness that makes you so endearing," she said dryly.

"Oh I'm endearing, am I?"

"Oh and you push for compliments, that's winning."

"I don't really 'push' for anything, they're usually just offered."

"Hmm. What's in your hand?"

"What?" The way she switched gears so quickly threw Sirius for a loop. "Um—"

"And are you trying to hide it?" A light lit behind her eyes and a slow smile spread across her face. "Shouldn't have done that, now I simply have to see it."

Any other letter. Any other blasted letter he'd let her read, even if it accused him of the most heinous crimes in existence. But not this. She couldn't find out, not this way. "Really, McKinnon, it's not anything."

"Sure it isn't. You always hide unimportant things, don't you?" she said sarcastically, slowly stepping closer.

He subconsciously backed up, then chastised himself mentally. For all she knew, this was a game of cat and mouse… "It's nothing. Just a letter from my aunt—"

"You're lying; I can always tell." A look of surprise and amusement flashed across her face. "Hmm. That's good to know. I wouldn't have guessed that I could…anyways, it's not from your aunt."

He pushed away the thrill of joy at her remembrance of her ability to always call his bluff. It wasn't much, but it was something. A shadow of something they'd had… "Wait, McKinnon, no!"

He hadn't realized he was so lost in thought; she'd crept up and snatched the parchment from behind his back. She grinned in triumph, eyes laughing as she unrolled it. "We'll have to work on your attention span, Sirius," she said calmly, then focused her attention on the letter in her hands.

Short of grabbing it straight out of her hands, which would do nothing more than increase her interest in the parchment, there was nothing Sirius could do. He nervously crossed and uncrossed his arms in front of his chest, watching her reaction.

For a beautiful moment, Marlene's face was still wreathed in fun, excitement, victory. Then her brow furrowed slightly and her eyes skipped down to see who'd signed the letter. Her frown deepened, then her eyes went back to the top of the parchment and Sirius watched as she slowly reread the first few sentences. She pursed her lips once, then licked them, and Sirius knew the exact moment she read the sentence. The one that had been seared behind his eyelids the moment she'd decided she wanted to read it.

_I just can't imagine if she had to find out about Mère and Papa out of the blue…_

Her face just went completely slack. She didn't even breathe. Her grip tightened on the parchment and her knuckles turned white. She read the last few sentences and formalities desperately, looking for elaboration, and when she found none, her eyes immediately sought out Sirius'.

The dread and fear that he read in her eyes tore at him. She didn't say anything for a long moment and Sirius wanted to beg her to speak. For a long moment they just stared at each other, then she drew in a shaky breath. When she did speak, her voice was low.

"What did he mean, Sirius? About Mère and Papa?"

"D-do you want to sit down?" He didn't ask to be formal, he asked because he wasn't sure how long her body could shiver the way it was and still support itself. He reached out towards her, to guide her to a bench against the side of the owlery.

"No!" She cried, her eyes blazing. She shied from his touch and she backed away from him. "No I don't want to sit down! I want you to tell me what, in Merlin's name, you saw fit to keep from me! What happened to my mother and father, why aren't you telling me, and why is my brother—who ignored me once he left for Durmstrang—is suddenly involved in my life, and daring to act like he cares?!"

"Marlene I—"

"Sirius Black, if you dare tell me anything but the truth, I swear on all that's holy, I'll…I'll…" she was shaking, all of her. Her voice came out in tremors, and her hands slightly crumpled the letter as they came up to hug herself, and the sight broke his heart.

Sirius drew a deep breath. "About a year and a half ago, the European Union called for all its members to convene. As you know, your father was one of the three representatives of France. Six months or so before he and your mother left for Luxemborg, they transferred you here, to Hogwarts, as a sign of diplomacy: at the Union, your father would make his decisions on the behalf of the next generation of wizards everywhere, not just France. Right before our Christmas holiday that year, they sent you an owl saying that they had left, so not to come home for the holiday, and that they'd owl when they made it safely to Luxemborg. There wasn't another owl. We…we don't really know what happened. Some say bandits, some say murder, some say conspiracies."

"They're dead." Her voice was hollow, and Sirius wanted nothing more than to cross the distance between the two of them, wrap her in his arms, shoulder the hurt. It was too much; it wasn't fair. No one shouldn't have to bear the weight of such news, and to ask her to do it twice…but he couldn't. So he just nodded.

"And that's why Marcus is suddenly back in my life. Because he feels bad."

"You two actually became close after the accident," Sirius said quietly, "You always said that was something your parents would've wanted."

"Did you know them?" She wasn't shaking anymore, and it scared him. Her eyes were flat, as was her voice. Everything about her seemed suddenly exhausted.

He'd heard so much about them from Marlene: on the anniversary of their deaths, in wistful memories that caught her off-guard, from moments when he'd walk in and find her reading notes they'd written her. He'd learn to recognize her mother in the way Marlene picked flowers and hummed to herself without realizing it; her father in her incredible wit and the way her soul shone through her eyes when she told a story. "I didn't have the honor," he said truthfully.

She nodded slowly. Without another word, she turned. Sirius watched her leave, willing her to come back, turn to him, let him help her. She didn't. Her back straight, Marlene walked calmly down from the owlery, silent tears coursing down her cheeks, telling herself to keep it together. She'd almost made it to the landing when it all overwhelmed her and she broke under the weight of it, sinking to the stairs a few steps from the bottom.

Her cries echoed up to Sirius and he couldn't stop himself. When he got down to her, she was lying, crumpled, her body racking herself with the effort of her tears. He'd seen her this broken once before, and then he'd vowed that he'd never let her go through such pain again, not alone. So Sirius held her. He carefully shifted her from the cold stone until she was crying against him; his arms encircled her and he held her. He didn't know what she would do when she realized that she'd broken down, and that her tears were soaking his robe. She would be self-conscious, and try to apologize; he wouldn't let her. She would be flustered, probably speak in French, embarrassed. She'd still have tears to cry, still be upset, still be hurt. But she wouldn't be alone.

**A/N There is a slight deviation from canon here. I know. I know Marlene died the same night as the rest of her family. But I said in the bio that there would be slight AU and this is it: Marlene's parents died that night; it was she and her brother who, years later, would be murdered by death eaters. Happy stuff. But thank you for reading! Please love me and review!**


	7. Chapter 7

Marlene hadn't moved for the past three hours. When she'd come back from the owlery, she'd skipped on dinner, had gone straight up to her room. She hadn't bothered to even draw the curtains, just crawled onto her bed. She'd wanted to fall asleep and forget it all, but, though her eyes were red and dry they refused to be tired. So she'd been staring at the ceiling, not saying a word.

She kept relaying Sirius' words in her mind; eventually she'd thank him for telling her. And holding her. Merlin, had she really cried in front of him, wailing like a child on the floor or the owlery? When her sobs quieted, she'd been mortified. He tried to reassure her that it was really alright, but really, what wizard wanted to spend their afternoon playing the crying shoulder? She appreciated the effort, but, like she'd said, she could tell when Sirius was lying. And he hated seeing her like that.

"Can I come in?"

Lily was already in, but it was sweet of her to ask. It was her room too, after all. Marlene nodded and the redhead stepped further into the room. She hesitated for a moment, then sat at the foot of Marlene's bed.

"Sirius told us," she said quietly. "I mean, that you knew. H-he wouldn't tell us if you didn't want us to, it's just last time you told us and I think he wanted us to know so that we could kind of be a support system around you and I'm rambling aren't I?"

"A bit. It's alright though." Despite everything, Marlene smiled slightly.

Lily smiled appreciatively back. "So…how are you doing? With it all."

Marlene closed her eyes, then lifted herself up so she was sitting. Lily deserved to talk to her, not her profile. She looked down at her hands as they crossed and uncrossed in her lap. "The thing is, with remembering, is that sometimes most of the times, there are flashes. My head burns and my eyes see spots but then a memory dances through my mind. But sometimes, it's a feeling like déjà vu. Someone will say or do something, and I know it's true, or it triggers something else. It's like my mind completes the thought for me."

"Which was it when Sirius told you?"

"I wish it'd been the first," she said honestly. What she would've given to be able to focus on a searing pain in her head instead of the dull ache in her heart. "But it was like he was reading my thoughts to me. Everything Sirius said, I knew it was true the moment it left his lips."

Her lower lip trembled and Lily moved so she was next to Marlene, her arm around her friend's shoulder, rubbing comforting circles on her back. "Oh honey it's okay," she soothed.

Marlene didn't want to cry in front of Lily too. This wasn't her, she wasn't this weak. But Lily's hand came up to stroke her hair and if she closed her eyes she could pretend it was her mother she was leaning against…the tears came in earnest then.

Lily's own eyes brimmed with tears as her friend cried in her arms. Marlene wasn't the type to cry, not unless she was utterly alone or her heart was so torn that she couldn't stop herself. She rocked back and forth gently, wishing she had words.

"It's just, it already happened, you know?" Marlene's whispers were hard to distinguish, but Lily nodded her encouragement. "I mean, they've been, they've been dead for a year and a half now…"'

"But it's okay that it still hurts."

Marlene just nodded, her shoulders still shaking from the effort of her tears. She'd meant what she said to Lily, about remembering: it had taken her by surprise, yes. But now it was like she'd known it all along. It wasn't really like she just found out, just that it was hitting her again. She remembered feeling hollow the first time she found out, remembered not eating and refusing to go to classes. She couldn't afford to do that now.

She pulled back slightly from Lily, sitting on her own, running a hand through her hair. She ran a few fingers under her eyes delicately, wiping away the remaining tears. "Okay. Okay, I'm good," she said quietly.

"Okay," Lily echoed. Marlene was gracious in every capacity, except accepting what she saw as charity. It used to hurt her when Marlene pulled away so quickly, but she'd learned that it was part of her Beauxbatons' upbringing. Ever gracious, ever beautiful, never dependent and never less than pristine. She'd learned that the best response she could actually have now was to change the subject and let Marlene pretend it hadn't happened. So she slipped her arm from around her friend and smiled at her friend. "I bet if we snuck down to the kitchens, some of the house elves could whip up some dinner for us."

The smile Marlene gave her told her she'd said the right thing. The two made their way down from Gryffindor tower, leaving the tears and hurt upstairs, at least for the moment.

==0==

"I wrote Marcus," Marlene blurted. She'd been waiting for Sirius outside of his potions class and had been trying to come up with some sort of clever opening line, but when she saw him she just blurted the first thing that came to mind. Mercifully he took that in a stride, like it was perfectly normal for him to know that.

"That's good. He's pretty good at writing back; I'd expect an owl within a week."

"Well I haven't sent it yet," she fell into stride with him as they walked along the corridor. How did she explain this. She was still processing her parents' death, but she still remembered her brother as she had when she came to Hogwarts. He had been her older brother, her idol. But when he'd left home for Durmstrang, he'd had no time for her. Their relationship had been rocky, but now, apparently, they were supposed to be closer than most.

"Do you want me to read it?"

She didn't know how he knew that that was exactly what she needed from him, but she smiled gratefully. "Would you mind, terribly? I just know that, my brother and I, we're supposed to be close and I-I don't remember it…" she trailed off and shrugged.

"Hey," he stopped walking and waited for her to turn around and look at him, "I offered because I meant it. Of course I'll read it."

Her smile split her face and she turned, letting him catch up to her. "Thank you. I'll get it to you after dinner?"

"Sounds good."

She chanced a glance at him. She'd grown much more comfortable with him over the past few weeks. Part of it was the fact that she'd broken down so completely in front of him; she figured that had to create some sort of a bond between people. But…was it crazy for her to think there was more than that? Because while she'd let herself relax a bit more around him—around all of them really—she'd sense a change in him too. He let himself be a little more of himself, less guarded and a little quicker to smile…little things, but they were there.

Like now. His face was relaxed and the corners of his mouth were turned up slightly, like he was pleased that she'd asked him to read the letter. She studied his profile, comparing the Sirius she knew now to the one she'd woken up to in the hospital ward. Then, once she'd realized that she knew him, she'd shut down all the first impressions she'd had of him. But now, with the familiarity that came with what was safe to call friendship, she was comfortable enough to admit to herself again—Sirius Black was not at all hard to look at. His hair was dark and thick and she didn't think she'd humor any man with long hair, but he managed to pull it off. And quite well. His eyes were, simply put, the most interesting part. They were gray, but not just one color. They changed with his mood, much like one of those rings. They were mostly a steel grey, but when he got either very excited or very upset (the latter of which she'd only seen once or twice) they darkened to a stormy grey, and bordered on black. It was fascinating.

She didn't know how she didn't notice, but she didn't see his mouth curl into a full smile until he turned on her completely. Marlene immediately looked away, embarrassed to be found in her scrutiny of him. A laugh erupted from his chest and he shouldered her.

"Are you checking me out, McKinnon?"

Her jaw dropped and she stared at him, then shoved him back. "Am I…you're insufferable, Sirius."

He just grinned. "And devilishly handsome. You always forget that part."

"Always?" she ran a hand through her hair nervously. "Does…does that happen a lot?"

"It happens to everyone, sooner or later," his voice was teasing, but something deep within her recoiled at his words.

"I'm sure it does," she said flatly.

There must've been a timbre in her voice that caught his attention, because when he looked at her this time, it was in concern, not smugness. "You know I was only teasing, McKinnon."

What was the matter with her? None of her reactions right now were making sense. "Yes of course," she did her best to find a reassuring smile.

They were still walking along the corridor with waves of other students, and for a moment, neither of them spoke. Then Sirius grabbed her arm and pulled her to the side of the hallway. "Come here a minute."

"W-what?" She followed him, pretending not to notice the way that everyone was staring after the two of them, some even smiling. He led her to behind a statue, her back against the walls of the castle, and he blocking her exit.

"Now tell me what that was about."

"Um…" What was she supposed to say? Hi Sirius, I wasn't thinking so my mind wandered and the first place it went was to admire your profile. Not that that's what I was doing. Because that would imply…other things. Things that weren't true. Not in the slightest. At all. Right?

He was leaning on one arm that he'd rested above her head, and , though, he didn't tower over her as did Remus or James, Marlene was reminded of their height difference when her eyes aligned with his jaw. Then he tipped his head slightly and her gaze shifted to his lips, so close to her own. This time she definitely noticed when he began to smile.

_It happens to everyone, sooner or later…_

She wasn't sure what would've happened if his words hadn't flitted through her mind. But they did. This wasn't just Sirius in front of her. This was Sirius Black—Marauder, Hogwarts heartthrob, tied to no one and nothing. So what if that wasn't the way he acted towards her. That's who he was, wasn't it? 'Everyone', he'd said. Did this work with every other desperate witch?

She knew she wasn't thinking rationally, but she couldn't do that because she _felt_ the heat of his gaze on her. She didn't want to process why she was feeling this way, or even what 'this way' was. But something snapped within her.

She tilted her head back and noted with some satisfaction the way his face froze when he read the ice in her eyes. "I'm not everyone, Sirius Black. And I'd appreciate it if you didn't treat me as such."

"What?"

She placed a firm hand on his chest and smiled slightly when he moved immediately, not even thinking about resisting. "I'll get you the letter after dinner. In the meantime, find some sixth-year to be your 'everyone'. I'm sure you can find someone."

With that, she pushed past him, back tall and straight proud. She'd won this round. It wasn't until she was upstairs that she dared asking herself what it was that she'd just won…or if there was even a battle.

**A/N: Thank you for reading! I tried so hard to keep the drama going, but some Blackinnon crept in and I just couldn't make it leave…I hope you enjoyed it! Keep the reviews coming! **


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N: Review, review, review Next chapter is even more Blackinnon; it's coming along really well and I'm terribly excited for it! Let me know how y'all like this one, if you do, and if you don't, why not?**

"Excuse me?"

She was desperate. Sirius had steered clear of her since yesterday afternoon when, well, when she'd told him too. The way he was acting around her, a bit like a wounded puppy that was trying to pretend he was just fine, it was unnerving. She hadn't meant anything by her words, other than self-preservation. She hadn't meant to hurt him…and now she didn't know what to do with herself.

Which got her here. Trying desperately to find a diversion: finding a new lab partner during Alchemy class.

Lucius Malfoy's upper lip curled into what she supposed was a smile. "Miss McKinnon. To what do I owe the pleasure?"

"Someone hexed my caldron; I need to partner with someone."

True, that someone had been her, with a bit of wandless magic before the start of class, but what else could she say? It was a complicated hex (if she did say so herself); her caldron was rocking back in forth on her desk, by the rest of her books; any solution would've tipped out of it. Lucius raised an eyebrow and stepped aside, allowing room for Marlene to stand next to him.

"Thank you," she smiled sweetly.

They were supposed to be making an antidote for some heinous poison that turned your small intestine into a snake which then ate you from the inside out. As Marlene gathered the ingredients and Lucius prepared their work area, she tried to find a way to broach the subject that was weighing heavily on her mind—why did she remember him. For better or for worse, it was her partner that spoke first.

"So, Miss McKinnon, what are you doing here?"

She looked at him sharply. "Pardon?"

He smirked at her, then refocused his attention on his caldron, waving his wand to heat it up. "In this class. Gryffindors don't usually grace Alchemy with their presence. Most seem to prefer the more, how shall I say it, swashbuckling, classes—care of magical creatures, defense of the dark arts. They have little respect for the more ancient magic…I hope I haven't offended you."

Now she was truly perplexed as to why this man was the one she'd recognized. His arrogance and self-importance was stifling; she wondered if he expected her to sing his praises now. She wanted to defend her house—though she was still unclear as to why she was placed in it, it was her home. And for him to condescend to it so...but she smiled and shook her head.

"Au contraire. You could only offend me if I identified with such ideals. You forget where I'm from—I come from a place where ancient arts are the most revered, and tradition upheld above everything else."

A bit of Marlene was ashamed; she guessed the old Marlene would've never descended to the level of agreeing with Lucius Malfoy in order to get information. Because he was staring at her, his face a picture of impressed. Whatever he'd been expecting her response to be, that wasn't it. An actual smile split his face and he began tipping the first ingredients into the caldron.

"I must admit, you've surprised me. Perhaps you were more suited for Ravenclaw."

Was he…was he trying to flatter her? She giggled as if it had worked; in reality the thought was so unappealing it was amusing. "You chose this, our seventh year, to decide that the sorting hat was wrong?"

"It does seem petty...but it was only two years ago for you; not so decided as my own seven-year journey with Slytherin."

She inclined her head. "No, I think even now I'd chose Gryffindor again. Oh, don't look at me like that. Humor me for a moment. If I chose Ravenclaw, everyone would know my intelligence, but question my character. That's hard to do unless you're continually confronted with situations of crisis. Now, if I chose Gryffindor, my character would be vouched for, and I'd merely have to prove my intelligence," She smiled and spread her hands, "That's something I can do within a few sentences."

Lucius Malfoy laughed. "One of the perks of being well bred."

Her face flushed and she had to keep herself from reaching over and shoving his face and all his 'well-bred' notions into the caldron. Instead she began stirring the mixture. "And four years at the premier women's school in France."

He nodded approvingly and Marlene focused her attentions on the antidote. He couldn't be that blinded by prejudice, could he? Could a person really be that foolish, that misled?

She chanced a glance at him sideways and she caught him studying her. The look on his face was one of regret. No, worse, pity. For the poor Gryffindor with unrecognized potential, she was sure. She pursed her lips. How despicable. To think oneself to be above anyone else because of the status of birth.

She'd started the conversation with the intent of finding out why she'd recognized him. But that was proving fruitless. The more they conversed, the less she could find in common between the two of them. This conversation wasn't going to do anything more than further aggravate her…

So she finished in silence. They completed the antidote, and when Lucius looked as though he might say something, she quickly thanked him and left.

It hadn't been worth it.

==0==

Marlene sighed and lay her fork down next to her plate, giving up on the pretense of eating. She hadn't the energy for feigning appetite. She was beyond frustrated that her attempts with Lucius Malfoy had proved fruitless, and there just weren't any answers she could find…also she was realizing how little she enjoyed being at odds with Sirius. He wasn't blatantly rude, or hurt, or really anything, it was just the air between them. It felt broken. And it needed to be fixed.

"Excuse me, would you Lils?" When the redhead nodded, Marlene smiled gratefully and stood, moving down to the end of the table, where James was entertaining the rest of the Marauders with a story of some Quidditch endeavor. She stood behind Sirius and waited for a break in the story to laugh politely, signaling her presence. She noted that Sirius tensed at the sound of her laugh (he recognized her laugh?), and she sighed inwardly. She was trying to make this as un-obviously-awkward, but he was kind of ruining it.

"You don't mind if I borrow Sirius for a moment, do you?" she smiled sweetly, and they all gave her a look that could best be described as 'be our guest'. Sirius stood, however, with a rigidness that screamed formality, and of his discomfort. "It'll just be a moment…" she appeased, and led the way out of the Great Hall.

Once outside, she turned to face him, crossed her arms, and waited for the doors to close before stating the obvious: "You're either avoiding me, mad at me, or both; I can't decide which I prefer to the other so you'll just have to tell me which is true."

She didn't know how old Marlene would've responded to the silent treatment, but all she knew was that she knew too little about her past to go around alienating people who'd apparently played a pivotal role in it. Or one's whose company she so enjoyed.

Sirius looked at her for a moment, and in a split second, his eyes said a million different things. Then he shrugged slightly. "Neither; why would you think that?"

"Really? You're going to play ignorant? Alright, um, let's see. You haven't looked me in the eye since yesterday, just at my hairline, so no one else will notice. Three times I've come up to you in the halls, and you've made it a point to be otherwise engaged before I've gotten within speaking distance. Just now, you tensed up like I was asking you to attend a trial, not speak to you in private—"

"Alright, you've made your point."

"And?"

"And?" he shrugged looking around. "And what?"

She bit her lip. This wasn't at all going as she'd planned. "Well, I—"

"Can I ask you something, McKinnon?"

She nodded fervently; she'd take anything at this point.

"Is there a right answer to this? I mean, what do you want me to say, that I've been terribly busy with 'some other sixth-years'?"

She winced, as he threw her own words back at her. "That was low."

"Just following a bit of advice from an old friend," he retorted.

She hadn't been expecting the barb, and it hurt. She blinked, looking around. This wasn't what she'd meant to say out here at all. She closed her eyes and told herself to breathe for a moment. Why'd she come out here. Because of the way he'd been avoiding her. The look on his face when she walked into a room. And the way he left as soon as he could. When she spoke again, her words were quiet and soft, but absolutely sincere. "I'm sorry," she said quietly.

Sirius had been studying the ceiling, but at her words, his eyes snapped down to her. She nodded and continued.

"Truly, I am. I…I don't know, I don't really have an excuse for why I said what I did. I was stressed, I was tired, I wasn't thinking straight, and I let what other people said influence my judgment of you. I shouldn't have; it was wrong."

She couldn't quite decipher the look on his face. He coughed suddenly, as the silence stretched. "Sorry. You know you've only ever apologized to me once before?"

"It's because I'm always right," she spoke without thinking, then rolled her eyes at herself. "Ugh, not helping."

He laughed shortly, more of a bark. "You usually are."

She smiled slightly at his admittance. "But this time I wasn't."

"This time you weren't." He paused, studying her, and then nodded slowly. "I forgive you."

She'd always thought the words were cheesy, and best left unsaid. But when they left Sirius' lips they flowed over her heart, lifting a weight she hadn't known she'd been carrying. She couldn't help her smile. "You do?"

He shrugged. "Sure. If I'm perfectly honest with myself, it's my fault those rumors exist anyways. And we were bound to have to deal with them eventually. At least now you know…" he trailed off, then changed trajectories. "Right. Well, um, we should probably get back inside, then."

She tilted her head, confused. "What?"

Sirius looked back at her. "What? Don't you want to finish dinner?"

"Not really, no. I want to know what you were going to say."

"I was going to say we should finish dinner." He looked at her oddly, and if she hadn't heard him break off mid-thought just moment before, she could've almost believed it.

"Remember what we learned in the owlery? About me knowing when you're lying?" She said it conversationally, but he got her point.

"It really wasn't important, McKinnon."

She nodded. "Oh, of course not. That's why you're going to such lengths to not tell me."

"McKinnon…"

"Black…" she mimicked his voice, and smiled triumphantly when she saw the amusement in his eyes. "Come on, just tell me."

He sighed. "Alright, alright. It's just…you know you're not everyone, right? You know that I know that you're not like the other girls around here? You're different."

Her smile softened, but was just as genuine. "Thank you."

He nodded. "You're welcome."

She turned back to the dining hall, looking at him sideways. "So, I'm 'different'? How?" She tried to keep a poker face, but he rolled his eyes.

"Stop pushing for compliments, McKinnon."

She laughed and held up her hands in surrender; they were right in front of the enormous doors. Just before Sirius opened them, Marlene paused.

"We're good, then, right?"

He looked down at her and for a moment, his face was unreadable. Then, he lifted a hand and trailed a finger gently over her cheek, down her jawline, his eyes never leaving hers. Marlene tilted her head in question—not that she minded the gesture at all, in fact, quite the opposite, but it was a bit out of character for him. Catching on to her confusion, Sirius pulled his hand away averted his eyes and coughed, then smiled down at her. "Um, yeah. Yeah, we're good."

"Good," she echoed faintly, then fixed her eyes ahead as he opened the doors.

She knew that they went back to the hall to finish dinner, but truthfully she didn't eat any more this time around than she had before her conversation with Sirius. So engrossed was she in replaying the scene that had just transpired that she missed the looks and secret smiles between Lily and Emmeline and Mary…much like Sirius didn't catch the smirk and unspoken 'told-you-so' that Remus threw at James.


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N: So sorry this took so long; SO MUCH has been going on! Please R&R :)**

The good news was that everything had returned to normal—or maybe better than normal—with Sirius. The bad news was that meant that she had to focus on the questions that had been lurking in the back of her mind since she'd woken up. It'd been almost a month, and, while she'd recovered some memories, some things just didn't seem right.

Marlene gave herself a moment to rest. She'd been in the same empty classroom for the past four hours; everyone was either in their dorms or in the library. Or that's what the teacher's liked to believe anyways. There was a thin layer of sweat beading on her upper lip and she was breathing harder than usual from the extended exertion of trying to cast the spell over and over again. Her robe was discarded, draped over one of the benches, almost falling off. She rubbed her temples, fighting exhaustion. She had to get this right.

"We heard profanities, so we knew we had to come in."

The door at the end of the room creaked open and James' voice carried as he led the rest of the marauders in. They filed in behind him and she waved at them.

As they got closer, Peter whistled, and Marlene was suddenly conscious of her tank top and jeans. Sirius punched him and he shut up.

"Before you kick us out for that, we brought you water," Remus amended, tossing her a bottle of water. She swiped it out of the air and drank gratefully.

"What are you all doing anyways?"

Sirius shrugged. "We were bored."

"So you decided to wander the halls. Looking for first years to prey on?"

They all staggered back, as if wounded. "Marls, we are just appalled that you think so poorly of us," James gasped, a hand to his chest and even his diction exaggerated.

She laughed and rolled her eyes. "Well that's what happens when you name yourselves something as barbaric as the Marauders."

Remus inclined his head. "Touché."

"What are you doing, then?"

At Sirius' question, Marlene suddenly found her wand terribly engrossing. "Just working on some incantations. Spells and such. Making sure I'm caught up."

Peter snorted. "'Caught up'? You've barely been back a month and you're already back at the top of our class."

She shook her head, "That's Lupin here."

Remus ducked his head. "That's not for certain; we don't know until we receive our final marks…" He dodged as James made a show of attempting to pat his head in a display of almost paternal pride.

Marlene smiled at their antics. "You're ridiculous, all of you."

"And you," Remus dodged again and reappeared on the other side of Sirius, using him as a human shield from James, "Are still terribly good at doing that."

"At what?" she smiled cheekily, "I'm terribly good at everything."

"Except answering questions when they're asked," Sirius retorted, finishing Remus' thought. "What spells?"

Marlene wrinkled her nose at him. "Ones that work better without an audience."

"Also ones that make you curse," Peter added.

"Yes, thank you," Marlene said curtly.

The Marauders made themselves comfortable of the closest bench: Remus perching on the table, Peter lying on his stomach and facing her on a bench, James sitting and leaning to rest his elbows on his knees. Sirius stayed standing comfortably.

"Are you really not going to leave?"

"Not until you tell us what you're up to," Peter smiled.

James shrugged. "You said it yourself—it's our job to roam the halls, and that makes all elicit happenings our concern."

"I don't think that's what I said—"

"Sorry, Marlene," He did look sorry, but he still pointed his wand at hers and said, "Prior Incantato."

Before she realized what he'd done, a white light filled the room as the last spell her wand had cast was revealed, and a smoky haze of her non-corporeal patronus filled the room. Silence fell as they began to realize that she hadn't been attempting simple tricks, but spells far beyond their seventh year.

"Spells and such?" James quoted her earlier words, "Honestly, Marlene why couldn't you just tell us you were trying to cast a patronus?"

She rolled her eyes. "Emphasis on 'trying'. I couldn't do it." Saying the words made her deflate some, and all the exhaustion she'd been feeling began to press down on her with an even more urgent weight.

The Marauders looked at each other uncertainly. Finally Peter spoke up. "You've got it, Marls, we just saw it—"

The exhaustion was fast turning into panic at the hopelessness of what she was facing; she was almost too tired to think straight. "No, you saw a non-corporeal patronus. Anyone can cast that."

"Actually very few can," Sirius interrupted, but she still shook her head. So what if it was a spell that was supposed to be very advanced? She was Marlene McKinnon, the living definition of very advanced. Yet she couldn't cast this one spell?

"Okay, fine. But I can do a corporeal patronus, I know I can. I've been trying all afternoon, but nothing."

"Why is it so important?" Remus asked gently.

"Because I'm ready for answers!" she burst, all her frustrations bubbling over. "I can't remember a bloody thing about my past other than fact, and I have no idea why. I have less than no idea, now, because I know for certain that Malfoy had nothing to do with my memories. I talked with him a few days back, and you know what I learned? Nothing! I'd thought for sure that he was the key, somehow related to everything. So when I found out that he wasn't, I just thought… A patronus is tied to a memory, right? So maybe if I can cast one, then it'll help…"

She trailed off when she realized how much she'd just vented. "I-I didn't mean to say that much," she muttered.

The Marauders were quiet for a moment, and then James hopped up from the table, Remus joining him. "We'll help you."

Marlene arched an eyebrow. "You?"

Peter shrugged. "We're the ones that taught you in the first place."

"Well, mostly Sirius…" Remus mumbled and James either laughed or coughed, Marlene couldn't tell which.

"So that's why I can't remember," Marlene wondered out loud, a sense of relief already calming her, "Because if it was you four, it was probably a memory, yeah?"

"Again, it was mostly Sirius and, that considered, yes," Remus grinned.

She wasn't quite sure what he meant by that, but she was incredibly excited by the thought that this might actually be possible. "So you don't think I'm crazy for trying to cast this?"

They all shook their heads and she smiled slightly. It'd been more wishful thinking than anything else when she started but now, now it seemed like this could actually work.

"Okay, so the problem I've been having with this is that I'm working backwards."

"You need a memory, or at least a strong emotion, to cast your patronus," Remus added.

"Exactly. Or a strong emotion of some sort, right? "

"Right," James echoed. The four boys looked at each other, and Marlene knew they were doing that thing where they seemed to all but communicate telepathically. Suddenly, Peter snapped his fingers. "Merlin's beard, I borrowed Karen Abernathy's Herbology book a week back and she needed it by tonight. Guys, if I don't get it back to her…" he trailed off and shook his head. "Sorry, Marlene, I really need to go."

"Oh. Well, that's alright. We don't need you on the wrong end of one of Karen's hexes."

He gave her a grateful smile and then rushed for the door, stopping when his name was called. Remus cleared his throat. "Would that be the same Herbology book that you gave me when I forgot mine at the library?"

Peter shrugged. "Probably. I can just grab it out of your bag, then?"

Remus snorted. "You think I don't know better than to leave my bag wide open around you and James? I started placing a locking charm on it in 4th year, when I realized the two of you would rather copy my notes than take your own."

"Okay, so can you give me a counter-spell or something?"

"Not likely. Sorry, mate, I trust you but not that much. You'd never do any of your work for the rest of the year."

"So," Peter pinched the bridge of his nose, "I can't get it out of your bag? You have to bloody come with me?"

Remus looked sideways at Marlene. "I'm really sorry Marls…"

"It's alright," she waved a hand like it was nothing. In reality she was a little worried, because she figured Remus would be the one that could help her the most. "Go on."

A moment later the door slammed shut at the end of the room; the sound echoed.

"And then there were three," Sirius said drily.

James clapped him on the back, chuckling, then turned to Marlene "That's alright; we're the ones that actually know what we're—" he blinked suddenly, and checked his watch. "Today's not Tuesday, is it?"

Marlene tilted her head. "It is. Why?"

James swore under his breath, then darted for the door himself. "I was due to meet Lily twenty minutes ago to do rounds. I don't know why I thought it was Wednesday, she's going to be furious, I hope she hasn't started yet, maybe if I hurry I can cut her off at…"

James' voice faded as he ran from the room, and Marlene frowned. "I thought he and Lily did rounds on Thursdays."

"As did I," something akin to amusement peeked through Sirius' voice, "But something tells me they won't be back anytime soon."

She looked at him sideways. "What does that mean?"

"Um, nothing." He cleared his throat and smiled at her. "Why don't you show me what you were doing?"

"Oh. Alright." Marlene's brow furrowed and she inhaled slowly to focus. She raised her wand in front of her and closed her eyes, beginning to move the wand in small circles. She raked through her mind for a memory. She had plenty of strong emotions inside her, that much she knew, but she hadn't one specifically for happiness. As she'd been doing all afternoon, she focused on a feeling of euphoria, absolute joy and contentment. She recognized it; it lay just shrouded by her conscious. Gritting her teeth, she inhaled once more, the circles growing tighter and she tried to breath in that happiness… "Expecto Patronum!"

Light burst from the tip of her wand and the silky stream billowed from it, but no figurine. Breathing hard, Marlene sighed, turning to Sirius. "It's been that way all afternoon."

The expression on his face was unrecognizable, then he focused. "Right. I think the tricky thing is that you're focusing on the feeling of a feeling, rather than the feeling itself, or the memory itself…" He tapered off when he realized she was hiding a smirk. "…which of course you already knew."

Marlene smiled. "Sorry."

He brushed it off. "It's fine. So why don't we try…okay, how's this. Maybe if you had one less thing to think about, your mind could focus better?"

"I suppose so. What were you thinking?"

"What if I talk you through it?"

Marlene nodded slowly. "It's worth a try, isn't it?"

A lazy grin broke across his face. "Sure is."

She exhaled once more, readjusted her stance, and then nodded at him. "Okay. I think I'm ready."

"Put your wand down," he said quietly.

She looked sharply at him. "What?"

"At your side. Close your eyes and just listen."

She pursed her lips then obliged. "Alright. Go."

At first, it was really difficult to focus on Sirius' voice; Marlene wanted to act on instinct, on her own timing. Trust herself, she always knew best. But as he walked her through the steps—steadying her breathing, reaching deep within herself, raising her wand and finally uttering the charm—she found herself relaxing. There was a deep timbre in his voice that she found oddly calming, quieting her need to be in charge and micromanage. She trusted him, Marauder and prankster aside. When she did finally cast the spell, she opened her eyes hopefully. For a moment, her patronus had held in a constant stream, and had bounced around through the air as though jumping, and not spraying as it had before. But other than that unique movement, nothing further developed.

Sirius shifted his weight uncertainly. "Sorry that didn't work," he muttered.

"No," she shook her head, "That was actually a little better than my other tries. I don't know why, but it was."

He smiled slightly, then shook his head. "I'm going to be honest, McKinnon, I don't know if it's going to work without a memory."

She sighed. "I know. I've just kind of been hoping it would…Wait. Maybe that's it."

"Um, what is?"

"Do you think it would work with a borrowed memory?"

"What do you mean?" something changed in his voice, and from the way he looked away quickly, Marlene guessed he knew exactly where she was heading with this.

"Well, we're friends, aren't we? You must have some memory of you and me and probably the other Marauders that's good enough to get a corporeal patronus."

"McKinnon, you can't cast a patronus on just any good memory."

She rolled her eyes. "Of course not, but my mind doesn't know the difference, does it? Just some happy memory?"

"There are plenty but—"

"Really?" she blinked. "Hm. I mean I guess James and Lily hang out quite a bit so that would put the rest of us together a lot…I just don't picture myself—even this me I don't know terribly well—hanging out with your pirate crew."

"Uh…we're not a pirate crew."

The way he said it…it was like how she dodged answering the implications by answering the literal. He was dodging something. "Okay," she said uncertainly, heading back over for the water Remus had brought. "So can you think of something? Just one moment, where you looked over at me and knew I was happy beyond words?"

Her back was too him as she drank, but her brow lowered when he didn't respond. She turned to see him staring at her, an unreadable expression on his face.

"Sirius? What's wrong?"

"Nothing," he said sharply, shaking himself. "Um, nothing. Sorry. Yeah, I should be able to find something."

She nodded slowly, considering him. "I mean, we can try."

"We can try," he echoed. "Um, can I...?" he gestured to over by her, and she nodded, albeit hesitantly. Why was this suddenly awkward? She shifted slightly as Sirius came to stand on her right, almost behind her.

"Okay. Let's try this again."


End file.
